peppermint and ginger ole

1,000,000 fans, but only 100,000 could get the chance to be part of the history….

And yes, I was part of that 100,000—and I super love the feelingJ Thanks to my friend Em who hurriedly and panickly bought two tickets when she found out months before that tickets for the concert were already being sold at Ticketnet.

To be honest, I love the first reunion concert more. For a starter, the band’s introduction and opening salvo wasn’t as thrilling and heart-thumping as the one that occurred last August 2008. Of course, there was still the excitement and the jittery feeling, but the first time was really different that even the countdown could already make you melt with uber anticipation. And if I may add, the long sponsors-thanking spiel of the MTV vjs honestly bore me off.

I don’t know if it’s just how the everything was presented that made me a little low-spirited during the first set or was it because I was stuck in the area where the crowd was so ‘patay’ in the sense that they are really ‘walang buhay.’ It’s like they were just there because they just want to join the band wagon. Some weren’t even watching the concert—with their backs to the stage (whatever!). And yes, how can I ever forget that group of teenagers beside us who were very much fond of shouting curses and bad words that I almost want to crush their lips when they shouted “gago ka pag di ka bumalik jan susunod ka kay francis!” to Ely when he said “thank you, goodnight.” Just that gesture of these kids could already prove that they’re not really a genuine follower of the the Eraserheads. From the way I see it (and Em, too), they’re just there to join the band wagon and to brag something to their networking sites, telling they were there at the much-awaited concert. They didn’t even know some of the songs that the band sung during the concert. What a waste of space given to these kids who doesn’t even know how to respect artists and their talents and were far more interested in posing cool by shouting bad words or talking trashes.

And then again, there were also those lovestruck couples standing close to us who looked more concerned on being mushy to their partners than joining the crowd jumping and singing to the Eheads ‘ songs. And yes, I hated it that I had to stay there just because the place was so jampacked that looking for a greener pasture (I mean, clearer view) could mean you settling in an even worst location. We were in the Silver A section but because the place was too crowded and wide, it felt like everyone in front of us grew suddenly taller and bigger.

But of course, it’s the final set I’ve long been waiting for so I’ve got to make a way to make this an ultraelectromagnetic memorable one. And that I did by not minding my ‘patay na lukan’ crowd beside and just jumped and shouted for joy whenever I want to. The hell I care about them! That was Eheads’ moment so that’s got to be my special moment, too!

One of my most memorable part of the concert was when Markus sang Huwag Mo Nang Itanong the reggae way—the Markus Adoro version, if I may say. Very very funny and very very catchy. I could even sense the other guys on-stage  also smiling to Markus’ way of rendering that song. I just simply love it! Then there’s Ely introducing Raymund in the vocals to sing Slo Mo. And then Raims continued on to sing Alcohol  as if to let Ely rest for a while to avoid any emergency. And since all three of them had their share of the vocals already, the crowd cheered for Buddy to give his share, too. Not really a singer, Buddy just answered the crowd by saying-or singing- a few lines from a certain commercial tag I think in which he was really the voice the behind.

And then, there was the tribute to Francis Magalona wherein Ely asked the entire crowd to shout Francis name as intro to their Superproxy song. And much to my surprise, they also did the chorus of kaleidoscope world which was a bit poignant.

It was really a fun night. I may have liked the first reunion concert more for most parts but seeing the four guys on stage interacting with each other already and even jesting a little as opposed to the first concert wherein you could really feel the tense between them, I could say this Final Set was made better. At least now you could say that past is already past and let bygones be bygones. We may never know if they’re really all okay na with each other but one thing’s for sure, I could feel the spirit of togetherness in their sets now than the first one. When they sang Minsan, everyone cheered in delight as if to tell the four to be honest with themselves and admit that they indeed miss each other and their good old hey-jay days.   

Another memorable part was when everyone thought that the concert was already over. Little by little, people started going out of the venue. Good thing Em and I decided to stay for a while since I still want to have a picture in front of the stage. Very much surprising as it was, I think it was Buddy and Raims who went up the stage again and asked the crowd if they really want more.  Everyone was shocked and thrilled. I really screamed in delight. Then Buddy called Ely and Markus through the mic. Ely came first and then he said ‘wala pa si Markus, tawagin ninyo si Markus. Then the crowd shouted Markus! Markus! Next thing I know, I’m already in one with the crowd screaming while singing to the last three-for-the-road songs of Eheads for the night, Ligaya,Sembreak, and Toyang. I could really hear my screaming voice in the background of my recorded video.  

But what really made my night was when my dear friend texted me when I was about to go home after I rested a bit while drinking brain-freezing coke (the opposite). Menans asked me to come to 7picados for the after-party of the concert. Without thinking twice, em and I got a taxi and even agreed hurriedly to pay P150 just to get to Sofitel in 5minutes. And in 5 minutes time, we were already there at 7picados, melting in delight over the sight of Ely. Never mind if Em and I both looked like fanatic college girls with our Eheads shirts still on. It’s Eheads and there’s no way we won’t do anything just to stand near them. “Friend, ginagahasa mo na si Ely sa tingin mo…” thus was my friend Menans told me when he saw me looking intensely at Ely. Then we saw Buddy and we had our picture taken with him. So far, I find him the nicest and most approachable of all. Then outside while waiting for the QTV staff’s van, we saw Markus and Menans asked his colleague to take our picture with Markus. Raymund was not at the venue that night—I think he’s already at Saguijo Bar that time. As for Ely, I almost gave up having a picture with him since we were already outside. Good Heavens! God heard my heart’s utmost desire that very special night and He did make a way for me to finally have my picture taken with Ely. Menans’ nice cameraman escorted us back to 7picados and talked to Ely’s bodyguard just so we could have a picture with him. Never mind the long qeue of fans waiting for their turns for Ely’s picture, we braved our way to Ely and I asked him if we could have a picture with him. And right now, while I’m typing this, I could still feel th kilig remembering how Ely answered me with a sweet and nice ‘Sure, sure!’ answer. And voila! One of the most memorable pictures of my lifetime had just been shot.

Wonderful! Wonderful! Wonderful! I could still feel the rush of emotions until now. Perhaps this after-shock will go on for a long, long, long time—longer than I expect it to be. And yes, even if people say that the Final Set is a chance for closure for the Eheads fans, I guess I will not and I’ll never have. For me, Eheads will forever be the best band of my youth and their songs will forever be a part of my ipod playlist or whatever new music gadget would be invented some 30 years from now. Ely, Buddy, Markus, and Raymund will always be The Eraserheads for me—the band who bravely started it all.

It took everyone six long years of waiting for this remarkable and seemingly impossible reunion to happen. And it did. And perhaps, that was the best reunion to ever happen in our generation. If there’s one common thing that could be observed during the Eraserheads Reunion concert last night, that would be the magical spark of excitement shown in the eyes of 20,000 plus people who graced the event. Never mind if we have to come as early as 3pm to the concert venue (the concert started 8:15pm) just so we’ll be ensured of a good spot inside, or if we have to stay under the scorching heat of the sun and seat on the grass and most often, big bits of stones, while waiting for the much-awaited to commence. (thank goodness i was able to finish all my tasks in time!)

All for the glory of the Eraserheads!

Ten minutes before the concert starts, a timer was shown on the large video walls. Just the timer alone already made everyone in the venue scream in super excitement. Nine (9) minutes and everyone was counting to the beat of their hearts. And finally, the timer showed 00:00. And yes, no other band or performer had ever made my heart beat that fast because of overflowing excitement, than the Eraserheads. I’m pretty sure, 99% of the audience last night did feel the same way, too.

Sa Wakas…

The first two words shown in the main video wall after the timer stopped to zero. Those two powerful words seemed like the entire definition of all the fans’ feelings that night. Then old pictures of the Eraserheads were shown on-screen. That was the first time that night that I felt super nostalgic that I just let tears fall from my eyes. And finally, the much awaited opening number.

“May isang umaga, na tayo’y magsasama..

Hayaan at halina sa Alapaap

O ano’ng sarap, haaa…

Hanggang sa dulo ng mundo Hanggang maubos ang ubo

Hanggang maubos ang luha

Hanggang mahulog ang tala…..”

Cliché as it seems, but really, words aren’t enough to explain my exact emotions that very moment Eraserheads showed on-stage and Ely Buendia started singing his most favorite E’heads song—Alapaap. Everyone was in high spirits and you could feel the sudden rush of energy in every soul inside that big concert venue. We all jumped for joy and gladly and fufillingly sang our hearts out and join E’heads in the singing.

No single moment could see the crowd passive or subdued during the Eraserheads performance last night. Even if we don’t exactly know the lyrics of some of the songs, everyone still joined in the singing. The feeling was so wonderful and intense.

Hearing the Eraserheads song again, not to mention being performed lively by no other than the icons themselves, I was like thrown immediately into the nostalgic field. I was like brought back to my good old elementary and highschool days when even at a young age, everyone was already singing to the tunes of the E’heads songs. For that very moment, I felt like a free-spirited highschool girl again. Add that to the fact that I saw some of my highschool schoolmates in the venue that night. That made me ratify that indeed, Eraserheads was really the most favorite band of Generation X and Y—the children of the Baby Boomers. In fact, most of the attendees last night were yuppies—those ranging from ages 20 to mid 30s. Only few teenagers were spotted during the night. It was like putting a big banner outside saying, NO TEENS ALLOWED INSIDE.

The Eraserheads belongs to our generation—and this I strongly claim. When our generation would think of the sunny summers of the 90s, the music of the Eraserheads will definitely be a part of our every trip. Their cut-throat music accompanied us in all our barkada outings, our class get-togethers, our after school practice for a certain project, our open forum moments, etc. Their songs comforted us during our ‘feeling down and out’ times in our teenage years. And yes, when we think of our generation, we think of the glorious days of the Eraserheads.

And then the band broke up in 2002. And all of us fans were like crashed in shock and desperation.

Six years after, we, unmoved fans of the Eraserheads, saw ourselves browsing in the net for news or update on whether the so-called Reunion Concert of the Eraserheads will push through. And when it was confirmed true, we searched and searched and waited for the final news on where to get the tickets when it was told that the concert will no longer be free. Three days before the concert, the news was published in various broadsheets and tabloids and even the net, stating the final venue of the concert and the ticket prices and where to get it. Thanks to my friend, Em, who didn’t bother asking me what ticket type do I like to purchase—Gen Admission or Patron. She just told me that she’d already brought a ticket for us for the Patron seat worth P1371.50. Oh well, I was just supposed to get the P800 + one since I was really on a very tight budget this month. However, it’s E’heads and there’s no way I should not have a budget for this:-)

Imagine, three days before the actual concert date for the announcing of the ticket prices and where to get it, and yet, the whole Fort Bonifacio Open Field was fully-loaded with solid E’heads fans. Indeed, the Eraserheads had never really lost their charm after all these years. They remain and will always be the ‘band that started it all.’

After performing their 15th song entitled Lightyears, we noticed Ely Buendia sat in slow motion. We thought then that it was just part of their performance or he’s just making some ‘moments.’ Then the timer was shown again—20:00.

The crowd patiently waited, still in super high spirits. Just then, the lights on the stage turned on. Raymund Marasigan, Marcus Adoro, and Buddy Zabala came in with some other people. Buddy introduced his name again and so were his other former bandmates on the stage. He then introduced the lady beside him who was actually Ely’s younger sister, Lally. Raymond asked for complete silence and uttered ‘we know you will understand.’ That made me nervous already. That somehow answered my uncanny thought on why was Ely not with them on stage. And then Lally read the short note, breaking the news that the concert will be cut-short because Ely was rushed into the hospital for chest pains. If I could just record in video the reaction of the thousands of people in the venue, you could see, like a flash, the smiles were like shut off our faces. Me? I felt like nailed into my position. I didn’t know what to think of. I was afraid that something bad may happen to Ely—that which I could not bear. I just prayed hard that Ely will be well again and that nothing serious happened to him. Then, one of the executives from Radiohead (the events organizer/producer of the concert) stepped in and apologized for what happened and humbly asked everybody to pray in silence for a few minutes for Ely’s recovery.

Ten years ago, that scene could have resulted in to throwing of plastic mineral water bottles, boohs and waaahs. But that moment, like a Divine intervention, the whole place who was a couple of minutes ago roaring with excitement, was suddenly shut in great silence as everybody bowed their heads and prayed sincerely for Ely’s health. After that complete silence, those thousands of people slowly filled out the concert venue. The feeling was indeed weird as there we are, walking out of this concert venue, down-hearted for the sudden conclusion of our much-awaited reunion concert, while just a few minutes ago, we were all in ultra-electro-magnetic energy. But I know for sure, that even if we were partly disappointed with the conclusion, we were more of hoping and praying for the good health of Ely Buendia.

Walking along the street in Fort Bonifacio, my friend and I heard the song Alapaap playing in one of the cars parked along on the sidewalk. We can only sigh. *Sigh*

True, our generation might be the cohort of people, whom most old folks think as those who don’t really know what they want and what to do with their lives. We may be the worst for them. But really, while we were in complete silence last night, praying for one of our favorite vocalists health, I could feel from my very heart, that indeed, we are the generation who’s compassionate and who knows how to give due respect when needed. I honestly felt the maturity of my generation when the Radiohead executive asked everyone to pray. Indeed, we’d already grown up.

As of this writing, reports have already circulated all over that Ely is already in a stable condition. I hope he will be in good condition for a long, long time. I could not bear losing Ely Buendia and the rest of the Eraserheads for good. Truly, there will always be one and only ‘Eraserheads.’ And I feel so grateful that I belong to the generation who put the E’heads into where they are now—silently residing into the very deep part of our hearts.

Rock on E’heads!

If you will tell something to your 1998 self, what would it be?"

Just heard this forum question from 99.5 Rt last Friday on my way to the office. And yes, I’m super strucked by this. It was like suddenyl, I caught myself into thinking how my life was back in 1998. I caught myself reminiscing the good old wonderful 1998 days of my existence. A yearning to go back in time once again stunned me that the moment I opened my pc in the office, I immediately searched for the 1998 playlist in Imeem. Hah! Life was pretty better in my past.

1998? February 1998 to be exact–I was in second year highschool. The 50th Anniversary of my dear Alma Mater had just transpired (we had a Folk Arts Tableau performance for this celebration in 12 December 1997).  I believe during this time, I was so addicted to the juniors and seniors and I had an auditorium collection of all my crushes from the freshmen to the seniors (boys and girls alike!). I was so laid-back and jovial during these days. Laugh-laugh-laugh was all that me and my barkada loved to do most of the time (aside of course from running after our crushes!). Life was so easy and manageable then.

Now, if i had to say something to my 1998 self, i will tell her a lot of things. I will tell her the things she needs to know so she would be prepared. And the list goes…

*Stop going gagah over Fritz Silvala. He’s not worth it! (though I must admit he really did add a lot of spices to my highschool days:-)

*Never wear a school skirt which length could reach your ankle. It’s not cool. Especially if the fabric is "katya-like!" Eww!

*Pose your sweetest smile when being photographed for an ID picture. It would even be great if you will pose your awesome "korean pose"

*Don’t cry just because the seniors (batch 1998) will be leaving the portals of ESPS in March 1998. Stop being emotional. Life is just a matter of saying hi and goodbye.

*You should have gathered all the books you can get inside the lockers of the seniors and the juniors. Be smart and practical. Either you sell those books in recto or keep them for your use the next school year:-)

*Never wear a "pang-Ninang" dress on your JS Prom. it’s soo so baduy!

*Dance to your heart’s desire on your JS Prom. So what if Fritz is not your partner? Your friends are enough to make that day a truly remarkable one.

*Don;t be super "into" Moffats. The whole batch will laugh at you when they see you crying over the news of Moffats’ sudden death:-)

*Don’t let JERIC RAVAL stain your friendship with SP and Paolo. He’s also not worth it.

*Study and study trigonometry for you will have your first taste of "line of 7" grade during the first quarter of your senior year if you don’t.

*Enjoy your retreat with your new-found friends in St. Martin. However, never let Pearlen Mananquil sexually harrassed you in front of the priest or you will be ridiculed.

*Don’t laugh at MYRA Torio when she’ll slip on the floor of the stairs or you will bout with her friends (Hazel and co)

*Congratulate yourself for you were able to bout with Hazel and co in front of the school after class.

*Don’t let Karl Venedict Del Rosario influence you.

*Join the 69ow or the Hanky Boys so you will know how it feels like to dance at the center while everyone else is watching you.

*Take a camera with you when you go swimming at BonBon with III-St Ignatius. That moment will never happen again.

*order lots of copies of your pictures during the III-St. Ignatius retreat at Tagaytay. That’s worth keeping.

*Never play like MTV or Channel V vjs during your computer class or you will be busted by MAHAL.

*Enjoy each and every moment you spent attending First Friday Masses or church practices and all. You will miss all those moments and especially the wonderful praise songs.

*You will win an essay writing contest during your senior year so don’t underrate yourself.

*Never ever feel insecure. you will be blessed more after graduation.

*You will meet "the one" and "your only true love" in october 2002. He will love you more than his own life and would even give it up just to show how much he loves you.

*Your heart will be totally crushed in 2004 so better be prepared.

*You will meet a lot of bitches and assholes in the real world but as long as you have God, you believe in your wonderful self, and you have great and wonderful family and friends around, life is always a bliss:-)

To be honest, I believe I still have lots of things to tell to my 1998 self. I might have missed out on somethings. Nevertheless, i know these things could have prepared me for my 2008 self had I known what will happen to me ten years after. But that’s how life is. Full of surprises. Chill:-)

How do you want to receive a bad news?

Frankly, if i could choose, I wouldn’t want to receive any bad news in any manner in my entire life. Bad news is bad news. Whichever way you receive it, it will still cause shivers down your senses and could trigger that needle of pain in your heart.

This night, estimatedly 5 minutes after 7pm., I received a text message from my sister–the one I wouldn’t want to receive in my entire life. She informer me that one of our cousins from the father side just died of I think heart failure. At first, i thought the message was just a form of a text joke. However, i felt a trembling kind of nervous inside. When i received her 2nd message confirming that it was really our cousin who just died, I felt like thousands of spiders were salvaging my digestive system up to my heart. I just can’t believe it. I simply can’t believe it.

Leonard and I were not really close. Oh well, we weren’t given enough chance and time to get to know each other more and bond because since their family’s based in California and he and his sister were already born there. If i remember it right, the last time i saw him was when we went to Baguio–the whole Lopez clan. And man, that was like almost two decades ago. I was very young then, and so was Leonard and the rest of our cousins. I remember he was that very cute little boy who didn’t know how to speak Tagalog since he was naturally born in the U.S. However, he loved playing with our other cousin, Kuya Gene, and he just loved playing pranks with him. i think he adored Kuya Gene that time because Kuya’s the only one who could make him laugh to the max. That outing was one of the most memorable gatherings in our family. Sadly, that will also be the last memorable event with Leonard.

I wanted to cry when I heard the news. But i didn’t. Could it be that I’m just trying very hard to be strong and be unmindful of the emotion that’s been wanting to burst out of my heart? Or perhaps, the thought that Leonard and I didn’t really have much memories together that it’s much easier for me to accept his departure? Could be.

Somehow, I would like to be grateful to the fact that we are living a million miles away from Leonard that we weren’t given the chance to spend more time with each other. At least, it would be easier to move on and get on with our normal lives. We don’t have much special memories to reminisce, cry our hearts out with, and long for. Now i realize, memories really do play a very big part in the emotional situation of an individual. More memories, more pain. Less memories, lesser things to cry about.

However, there’s also a part of me who wants to cry for many reasons about his death. I want to cry for the times we should have been talking to each other, for the times he should have been here to bond with us, for the chance to really get to know him and be close with him. the thought of receiving a Xmas card from Tito Narding and Tita Marylou without his name on it for the first time in the last 20 years also adds insult to the injury. And then again, the idea of emailing Tito Narding without giving my regards to leonard for the first time is also a lot saddening.

Their whole family is supposed to visit the Philippines next year–after i think 17 years. We have many plans for that homecoming and grand family reunion. I must say we were all excited for that event. That plan might still push through, however, Leonard would no longer be physically present to join us and be merry with us. And that makes a very big difference.

My heart cries out for my Tito and Tita and Ate Melissa for I know how close their family is. I know how much they value and love each other. Every year during Christmas, everyone of us in the Philippines would receive a family picture from them wearing their Christmas garbs posing beside their giant Christmas tree. I just hope this year they will not send us a picture again–not that we were already tired of it. I know receiving a family picture from them this Christmas would only trigger the painful emotion in our hearts seeing their family incomplete for the first time in 23 years. I don’t want to see them without Leonard in it.

I told myself I won’t cry for I have God to comfort me during these trying times. But I must admit, i could be a big liar sometimes. right now, tears are falling down my cheeks as i type the words on my mind. Yes, i miss my cousin. I miss my cousin whom I never had a chance to really talk and bond with. And yes, it pains me that he had to leave this world this early.

Whatever is God;s purpose for this very untimely event, I know i just have to believe that everything will be alright in the end and that, He knows very well what’s best for us. I only have Him to lean on to comfort me. i just hope and pray that He would bless our whole family with more strength that we could overcome this throbbing pain we are all feeling right now.

And to Leonard, we’ll have lots of time to bond there in God’s paradise. Wait for us there. Until we all meet again:-)

God bless his soul….

Five years ago…

1:00 am. Living room.

          “Can you be my girl?”

          I was appalled when I heard him posed that seemingly dulcet question. I didn’t know what to say.

          “What? Adik ka ba?”

          “No. I’m asking you if you could be my girl.”

          “What if I say no? Will you still talk to me or remain friends with me?”

          “Perhaps, no. It’ll be hard to still be a friend to you.”

          And that was it. Perhaps I was scared that he might not call me again and I might not experience that seemingly odd yet exultant feeling that I feel whenever I hear his voice on the other end of the phone that I decided to answer him “yes” right there and then. It was 1:00 am of October 21, 2002.

          I know for sure it wasn’t yet love that I felt for him that very moment. Possibly, it was more of wanting to have someone to finally take care of me and make me feel like a true woman. I didn’t know that time if what I did was right or wrong. Nonetheless, something inside of me is telling me to just go on and ride the boat. So I did.

          It was a Monday and I was on my near-end completion of my requirements to pass my 1^st semester of my junior year in college. It was almost 4:00 am when we ended our very long phone conversation. I must admit, the moment I put down the phone, I felt like screaming as if I wanted to let the whole household—and even neighborhood—to know that I already have a boyfriend.

          That dawn, I can’t seem to let myself sleep. I was in very high spirits. Perhaps, that was what most teenagers like me then (I was 19 that time), feel during the first few minutes or hours that they entered that certain door called relationship and be encapsulated with the wonderful poison called love.

          The moment I wake up a few hours after being so high about what had just occurred, I remembered myself talking to God and asking His guidance with this new journey that I will take. I was afraid, yet, I can’t deny the fact that I was also happy and excited. That overwhelming feeling in my heart was made apparent by the plastered smile on my face—that for the first time in my life, I greeted back the sales lady at SM Manila who approached me. If it’s true when people say that love could make you feel like gliding or walking on clouds, then perhaps, what I felt that time was true.

4:00 pm.

Espiritu Santo

          The very moment and the very place I laid eyes on the guy whom I never thought will be a very special part of my existence. It may be a bit odd to believe, considering we are already in the modern times, but the moment my eyes met his, there was a crazy feeling that surmounted me. I felt like I already know him. I haven’t seen him yet since that day I answered him ‘yes’ but when I saw him walking inside the Adoration Chapel, it was as if somebody was telling me ‘it’s him.’

          And I was never wrong. From that day he told me he wanted me to be his girl, until that fateful day he breathed his last, he never fail to show me and make me feel how much he loves me. He was the man I didn’t intend to love, and yet, he’s that very same man who made me feel so complete and happy. He was that man whom I never thought could love someone so unconditionally true, and yet, he was also that same man who made me experienced just the same.

TODAY.

Oct. 21, 2007.

          I could say I’d already achieved some of my life’s goals. I am now a writer. I’m still not living affluently, but I could already consider myself successful since I’m now doing what I want most in life and earn enough moolah from that passion.

          I must say I’ve already changed a lot. I’m no longer that war-freak girl I used to be during my teenage years and I no longer out freak out easily when a snooty individual gets in my way. I’m still a jealous freak, however, I’m not that possessive and insecure anymore. Perhaps, I could say I’m more confident of myself now and I’m pretty sure of my worth as a person that petty stuffs and discoveries could no longer rip my heart apart. I’m still a little idealist, but only to a certain amount for I know that no matter how much you want to change the world the idealistic way, you must still stick with the reality that it’ll take the end of the world to completely change the world.

          Yes, I’ve changed a lot. My ways, my views on various things, and even the kind of people I love to stick around with. Nonetheless, there’s still a big part of me that still hasn’t changed. It’s my heart. The love and the pain it’s feeling for such a long time now.

          It’s been five years now since I welcomed that guy in my life, but still, the memories are still fresh in my mind and heart; the iloveyous, the never-ending talks on the phone, the long walks, the out-of-town trips, the overnights, and definitely everything about our love.

          I only spent two wonderful years of my life with that guy since he left me a month before our 2^nd year anniversary. Today’s our 5^th anniversary. Yes, the time spent without him is much longer than the time spent seeing him physically with me. However, the love’s still overflowing.  I might not be seeing him, but I know he is also celebrating our anniversary with me. Who knows, he might just be beside me while I’m doing this.

          Every year since he left three years ago, I’m celebrating our anniversary with his parents. And this year’s not different since I’ll be having dinner with his parents later today. Year after year, I’m doing something special for him, hoping that he could receive my message of love and send it back to me. I remember last year, I wrote him a long letter, telling him of how much I’m missing him and what life was since he left. After I finished writing the letter, I opened the disc player and put keith martin’s cd inside (which was actually his gift for my sister during her 18^th bday). While our song ‘because of you’ was playing in the background, I took the lighter from the cabinet and burned the letter I wrote for him. Then, I let the ashes of the letter flew into the air. That moment I saw the ashes being blown away by the wind, I felt like he had already received my message.

          Now, I decided to celebrate our anniversary with this piece. I am writer so I thought of celebrating the wonderful years of our love through my writing. And yes, I’m proud of this piece for it’s the very product of my emotions and the overflowing love I’m feeling for the only man I would love to love till eternity.

          I had lots of many bittersweet memories of that relationship. It was a whirlwind romance, and yet, for me it was one of the best love stories God has ever created. I feel honored that God picked me up from the rest of His roses to make me experience that kind of love that not all people were given the privilege of. And yes, I’ll forever be thankful for that very special honor that He gave me. I might have experienced the worst pain a woman could ever experience, nonetheless, I still feel luckier than the rest. And if I have to wind back to that day I decided to have him in my life and chose whether or not I would still opt for that decision, I know that I would still choose to say ‘yes’ and enter that door where I found him. He might have caused the most painful and tragic event in my existence, and yet, no amount of pain or any catastrophic episode could take away or the wonderful memories, the illustrious happiness, and the sincere love he left me with.

          Yes, he left me. He left me without even saying goodbye. But I never hated him for that, for I know that he’ll forever wait for me on the other side of this life. I know that I’ll forever stay in his heart the way he is resting in mine.

FIVE YEARS AFTER…

          Senior writer for Living Asia Channel. Copy Editor of Breaking Free magazine. Headwriter for Breaking Free show over Studio 23. Phil. Star columnist. Palanca Awardee. Author of a best-selling book. Well-known eventologist. A devoted Christian. Still committed and faithfully attached with my one great love.

I’m already 29-years-old. I’d already attended my highschool reunion and bonded again with my beloved ESPS family. I must say I’m happy with the way life went for me five years after I wrote that 5^th anniversary celebration article for my other half. I am no longer a nobody in the crowd. Whenever I attend an event—product launchings, press conference, advocacy campaigns, or even the for-the-society-pages’-sake events, people easily recognize me. No, I’m not a celebrity and I never dreamed of being one. I’m still a private person, only that I’ve already created a name in the field of creative arts, writing, that is.

I already have my own car. My mom and pop’s already have a business of their own. My sister’s already one of the district managers of Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf and she’s getting married real soon. At last, we’ll have a baby in the house na!

His mom is already having the time of her life enjoying her business which she co-owns with her sister. His pop’s sculpture business is doing very well. His family is still in great condition just as my family is.

Yes, I’m still very much attached to them. And until now, I’m still celebrating our anniversaries with his parents. I must say I’ve already learned to move on and get on with my life. However, the love I feel for him remains to be ceaseless. He is still the only man my heart longs for. Nothing’s changed in that realm.

In the next five years, who knows where will I be, what I will be, or what will happen to me then. Or, would I still be around to write this kind of pieces? No one really knows. Five years is such a long, long time. A lot of things will happen along the way. Perhaps, I just have to prepare myself. Should there be pain? Well, it’s always a part of every creature’s life. It is through those pains that we are being molded into the best we could become and into the very person we are. Without pain, we may never know how to live completely. Should there be abundant happiness? Well, thank you and hope that it’ll last forever. But if within that five years God would want me to breathe my last, then I would gladly follow Him and be united once again with the only man my heart longs for; the only man whose name meant and spelled ETERNITY in my heart. 

Nakita ko na naman siya. Masasabi kong plinano ko tlagang puntahan ang building na nakita kong pinasukan niya noong araw na sinundan ko siya mula sa Gilmore station ng LRT2. Subalit sa maniwala ka man o hindi, hindi ko tlaga inaasahan na makikita ko talaga siya noong araw na iyon na napadaan ako sa Gilmore.

Ganon pa din ang itsura niya. Medyo nagmukha lang siya mas bata ngayon. Siguro kasi wala na yung bigote niya. Sa tingin ko, parang mas maputi din ang kulay niya ngayon.

Malayo pa lang ako tinatanaw ko na ang itaas ng gusaling pinasukan niya noon. Sa isip ko ay naghahabi na ako ng maari kong sabihin sa guwardiya kung sakali mang tanungin niya ako kung ano ba ang kailangan ko o ano ang pakay ko sa loob ng gusali na yaon. Sa totoo lang, wala talaga akong maisip. Ni hindi ko kasi alam kung ano ba ang mga klase ng kompanyang nasa loob ng gusali na iyon.

Bahala na.

Nang malapit na ako at ang kaibigan ko sa gusaling tinutukoy ko, para bang may hangin na bumulong sa akin na tumingin ako sa may bandang ibaba, sa may kanto ng gusali. At may parang kung anong kamay na humawak sa ulo ko at iminuwestra nga ang direksyon na yaon. Sa aking pagkagulat, nakita ko siyang nakatayo doon sa may kanto. At sa aking pagkamangha, nakatingin siya sa akin. Hindi ko alam kung natatandaan pa niya ako dahil dalawang beses lamang kaming nagkasabay sa LRT2, at yaong isang beses nga ay nang sinundan ko pa siya. Subalit, mahigit isang taon na ang nakalipas mula ng huli ko siyang makita.

Aaminin ko, nataranta ako. Para bang hindi ko alam kung dapat ba akong tumuloy sa paglalakad patungo sa direksyon niya o tama bang bumalik na lamang ako sa pinanggalingan ko.

Subalit ang mga paa ko ay ayaw paawat. Para bagang nais nitong malaman kung ano ang mangyayari kapag ako’y dumaan sa harapan niya. Kaya’t ako’y nagpatuloy.

Nang nasa tapat na niya ako, hindi ko mawari subalit parang gusto ko na siyang kausapin. Para bang may munting magnetong nagnanais na ilapit ako sa kanya. Subalit nagawa ko pa ring pigilin ang sarili ko.

Nagpatuloy ako sa paglakad. At nang ako ay nakalayo na ng konti sa kanya, nilingon ko ang kanyang kinatatayuan. NAkita ko siyang nakatingin sa akin. marahil ay sinusundan niya ako ng tingin. Lalo akong naguluhan.

Naglakad pa ako ng naglakad hanggang sa malayo na ako sa kanya. Subalit huminto ako ng sa tingin ko ay hindi na niya ako makikita. Makalipas ang halos sampung minuto, may dumaang taxi sa harapan ko. Siya ang nakasakay. Kapag daan niya sa aking kinatatayuan, tumingin siya sa akin at ngumiti. Napatigil ako. Sinundan ko ng tingin ang sinasakyan niyang taxi hanggang sa ito’y mawala na sa paningin ko.

Aaminin ko, nagalak ang puso ko ng makita ko siyang muli. Hindi dahil sa makisig siya o kung ano pa man. Isa lamang ang dahilan: kamukhang-kamukha niya ang aking nasawing kabiyak. Sa tindig niya, sa kilos, sa lakad, sa pangangatawan, maari silang pagkamalang kambal ng aking minamahal. Marahil nga ay kung makikita ang lalaking yaon ng mga magulang ng aking mahal, maghahalo ang tuwa at pananabik sa kanilang mga puso. Katulad ng aking naramdaman ng una kong makita ang lalaking iyon. Ang sabi pa nga ng kaibigan ko, kinilabutan daw siya ng makita niya ang lalaking iyon sapagkat para niyang nakitang muling nabuhay ang mahal ko.

Ang sabi ko noon, kapag nakita ko muli ang lalaking iyon, lalapitan ko na talaga siya at sasabihin ko sa kanya kung bakit ako tingin ng tingin sa kanya. Pagkaraka ay hihilingin ko sa kanya na kung maari ay yakapin ko siya kahit saglit lamang. Ninanais ng puso ko noon na maramdaman muli ang yakap ng aking mahal sa pamamagitan ng lalaking yaon na kawangis na kawangis niya.

Subalit hindi ko iyon  nagawa ng ang lalaking iyon ay makita kong muli. Marahil ay pinanghinaan ako ng loob. O sadyang hindi ko talaga kaya. Hindi ko alam.

Ang sabi ko noon, kung talagang siya ang masasabing "reincarnation" ng aking mahal, hindi ko siya kinakailangang hanapin pang muli o sundan pa sa gusaling iyon. Kung talagang siya nga, ipapakita siyang muli sa akin ng langit.

Alam ko sa puso ko na ako’y mahihirapan lamang. Iisa lamang ang lalaking gusto kong makasama habang buhay. Iisa lamang ang lalaking nais kong mahalin at pag-alayan ng buhay ko hanggang sa dulo ng walang hanggan. Naisip ko, marahil nga ay kamukhang-kamukha niya ang aking minamahal, subalit hindi maaring siya at ang mahal ko ay iisa. Nag-iisa lamang ang lalaking kilala ng aking puso. At alam ko, naghihintay lamang siya sa akin sa kabilang buhay.

Datapwat kung sakaling nahabag sa abang kalagayan ko ang langit at sa wakas ay pinakinggan din ang matagal ng dinarasal ng aking puso, na ako at aking mahal ay pag-isahin muli, alam kong hindi takot ang mararamdaman ko kundi walang patumanggang kasiyahan. Sapagkat sa ngayon, sa nararamdaman ko ng makita ko ang lalaking yaon, ako’y may takot at pangamba. Para bagang ako’y nakatayo na naman sa isang pintuan, na ni hindi ko alam kung ano ang nasa loob.

Ayoko na. Minsan na akong nagbukas ng pintuan na inihain sa akin. At sa pintuang yaon ko naranasan ang walang hanggang kaligayahan at pagmamahal. Isang uri ng pagmamahal na walang kapantay at hindi kayang tumbasan ng anupaman. Tama ng iyon na lamang ang aking paglagian hanggang sa ako’y magpaalam sa mundong ito. Ayoko nag muli pang magbukas ng panibangong pinto. Maaring ako’y makasakit lamang.

Hindi ko alam kung makikita ko pang muli ang lalaking iyon. Pero isa lamang ang sigurado, hindi ko na siya muling hahanapin pa. Kung sakali mang iaadya talaga ng langit na ang landas namin ay magkrus muli, marahil sa pagsakay ko muli ng tren sa LRT2 papuntang Gilmore, alam ko na hindi ako maaring malinlang ng aking damdamin. Dedepende na lamang ako sa tibok ng aking puso. Alam kong puso ko lamang ang makapagsasabi kung nagbalik nga ba panandalian ang aking mahal.

Hanggang sa muling pagdaan ko sa Gilmore Station….

Of Coffee Beans and Loose Tea Leaves…..

We have been drinking coffee for most of our adult life and come to think of it, have never looked to see what’s in the mug. So long as it looked like coffee and tasted like coffee, that was good enough for moi.

*Mocha is not really a flavor. It is a port in Africa. The reason why coffee maestros named some coffee beans as Mocha is because some of the coffee beans were harvested from Mocha, Africa.

*as per my observation, and tea leaves ng Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf pag inilublob mu sa hot water, nag-oopen ung leaves kse CBTL gets only the finest and the youngest two leaves in a bud. The rest of the bush, pinaghahatian na ng ibang coffee companies.

*The rarest type of coffee in the world are the Jamaican Blue Mountain and Kona or the so-called Premium Select coffees. In the coffee market, Japan ang may pinakamalaking share ng coffees na ‘to. I think they’re getting almost 80% of the share..the remaining 20%, pinaghahatian na ng lahat ng coffee brands in the word. That’s why UCC coffee is very expensive kse un ung ginagamit nilang coffee beans..

*There’s no such thing as white or red tea. For marketing purpose lang yung mga names na yun. The only three types of teas are the green tea, oolong tea, and black tea.

*oolong tea is called the "champagne of all teas"

^^Oh di ba, nakikinig tlaga ako noh…^^

"How would you like your coffee, brewed or grounded?"

How i would love to ask that question to my future coffee addict customers. Haplessly, i might not be able to pull through with my "barista" fancy since i had to chose between my sole and serious personal legend than my as-of-the-moment whims.

I’m already on my third day of training as barista in Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf, and yes, I had lots of really wonderful discoveries about coffee, teas, and how the coffee world works. And perhaps, knowing how Coffee Bean gets its coffee beans and tea leaves, how they carefully prepare their products–from harvesting, processing, roasting, and all–I realized that I would love to be a "tambay" of CBTL more than Starbucks.

CBTL is such a great company. I enjoyed every day of my training sessions–not only because I got to drink free coffee and tea and have my slice of free pastries–but because I’d learned a lot about coffees and teas. Believe me, it’s a lot more delightful to drink ur cup of coffee or tea if u know where they come from and how they are being prepared. Truly, the world of coffee and tea is a lot more amazing than you thought it to be.

Haplessly, i believe my barista dream is already coming to an end–that is when the HR dept. will hand me the contract tomorrow. Sigh. I heard from my co-team members that CBTL has a contract bond (well, just like any other coffee shops). I found out that if we won’t be able to finish the 6 months contract, we will be forced to pay 5ok. A big, hearty sigh.

Sad noh? Just when i’m already enjoying my coffee and tea experiences tsaka naman dumating yung revelation na yon. Hay! Feel na feel ko pa naman magsuot ng CBTL barista unform. Feeling q ang cute ko lalo pag suot suot ko yun (AMf!).

I would love to accept the offer even if it has a bond. Sadly, I have my own priorities in life that I have to give more attention to.

nonetheless, i still take pride knowing that once in my life, I became part of Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf. adik na kung adik. I don’t give a damn if my friends would laugh at me and say nagtrip na naman ako. Basta happy ako na na-hire akong barista ng CBTL. Being a barista may be way out of my league, but at least, i cud prove to the people who are underrating me that i can do more than what they thought me to be.

One thing, I’m also proud that of all the coffee shops in the Phils., God chose Coffee Bean for me. I know I am (or was) part of the best coffee shop in the world–quality and service combined. Believe me, it’s true. I’ve only been to CBTL for like three times only since i became a coffee fanatic and prior to my being hired there, but now that I discovered a lot of great things about the company, I know that Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf deserves to be given much attention by coffee and tea drinkers.

Why am I bursting these bubbles? Wala lang, just so you know Coffee Bean’s the best! And nope, i’m not their PR officer

"Thank You.."

Very simple yet very powerful and heartwarming words..

I’m not very hard to please. Simpleng "thank you" lang ay sapat na para magalak ang aking puso.

Ngayong araw na ito, ilang beses ba ako nakatanggap ng salitang "salamat" at "thank you?" Hindi ko mabilang. basta ang alam ko lang, high ako ngayon. Super high kse I feel so blessed to have been surrounded with people who know how to say thank you and appreciate the things u did for them.

I didn’t know that my simple gestures could already brighten up someone’s day. Furthermore, I didn’t realize that my simple desire of spending a day with someone so dear to me could already put her in great joy. At isa pa, hindi ko rin inexpect na ang mga magandang salitang sinasabi ko ay tumatatak na pala sa puso ng mga nakakausap ko.

Narealize ko, totoo pala yung qoute na "smile and often and never frown for you’ll never know when you’re brightening up someone’s day just because of your smile…"

When i started this blog, my sole intention was only to have an outlet for my bubbles..madaldal ako pero hindi ako transparent sa emotions ko. This space served as my piece of sanctuary. naisip ko pa nun, at least kung mamamatay man ako ng wala sa oras, merong matitirang account ang mga maiiwan ko para knows nila kung ano-ano ba ang mga dilemmas ko at mga drama ko sa life. Pero never had i imagined that this piece of sanctuary could also be an inspiration to other people…

Honestly, i am overflowing with joy and gladness whenever people would tell me that they love reading my blogs because they could feel every inch of my emotions in every post i make. Sa inyong lahat na patuloy na nagbabasa ng blogs ko at walang sawang sumusuporta, maraming salamat. (Ateh, artista ka? Closing billboard ba ito?)

The inspiring and boosting words from those people made me feel like I’m really bound to be a writer and touch people’s lives. Thank you so much to all of you.

Sa lahat ng mga nagThank you, nagpasalamat, at nagappreciate sa mga ginawa ko, maraming salamat din sa inyo. I feel so blessed to have all of you.

Moreover, when i made a video for my friends who are very much "in-love," i didn’t know that it could really touch them so hard, their hearts could melt…Honestly, natuwa lang tlaga ako sa pictures nila kse everytime i visit their pages, i feel like butterflies are flying all over and flowers of love are very much everywhere. Nonetheless, when they watched the video, all of them were so touched, they thanked me wholeheartedly.

When my better half died, i vowed to him that I’ll try my best to spread the word of TRUE LOVE to all my friends and acquaintances. Sabi ko pa nun, God blessed me with a very special kind of love kaya i believe that it’s my duty to let other people know the true wonders of TRUE LOVE..And perhaps, doing that video is just one of my ways of fulfilling that promise..I didn’t know that that would mean so much to them..Nevertheless, thank you so much for appreciating. Your wonderful words of appreciation are enough to make me feel happy.

See, a simple "thank you" is enough to brighten up someone’s life. Make it a habit to say thank you to every simple gesture done for you. Believe me, it could make a very big difference…Winks!